Talking to Children About COVID-19
So how do you discuss a pandemic to children? First of all, keep in mind the child's age. As children grow, so does their brain. It’s important to know what stage of brain development a child is in to really understand what they are able to comprehend. For example, did you know that a child is able to BEGIN abstract thought around age 7/8? Abstract thought means anything that isn’t concrete or physically present. So reasoning skills and understanding complexities like relationships between verbal and nonverbal ideas, metaphors and analogies, critical thinking, etc. Jean Piaget explained that the last stage of cognitive development (formal operational stage) occurs when children are between the ages of 11 and 16, although it may begin to develop earlier. You can read more about abstract thinking here.
What is most important, is that you explain and answer questions differently based on each child’s understanding.
I have a challenge myself with this. I have an 11-year-old, 8-year-old, and 4-year-old. Both my 8-year-old and 4-year-old are think that things are closed because of Spring Break. My 8-year-old, however knows that this break is longer because of Coronavirus. His perception of the virus is superficial. He thinks kids cannot get it and it’s mostly far away. He also thinks activities and places besides school are simply on "Spring Break". My 11-year-old knows a little more and is more than “helpful” filling in her younger brothers! I have to keep her in check and keep everyone calm. No problem, right? I’m sure many of you are in the same position.
The way we respond to our children is based heavily on the work of Jean Piaget and the theory of Cognitive Development. I broke each stage down for you below.
Responding to Children Based on Piaget's Stages of Cognitive Development
Sensorimotor Stage (birth- 2 yrs.)
Children begin to understand the world around them by using their senses. They put LOTS OF STUFF in their mouth to gain understanding. (“Oh, this is hard, I can bite it and it feels good.”)
This stage is going to be challenging because they don’t have all the verbal communication to tell you, “I’m scared. Why are you home all the time now? I’m picking up that you’re anxious.”
Just because they cannot tell you something with words doesn't mean they don't understand language. They can communicate with you through their behavior.
This group of children are also super perceptive. If you pick up a baby and you’re calm, they are calm. But, if you are in a panic or upset they will be hard to calm down, too! Try to keep as must normalcy as possible with this group. Stay calm, enjoy time with them by reading, playing, going for walks, etc.
PreOperational Stage (2-7 yrs)
Symbolic thinking develops. Imagination and intuition are strong in this stage. Abstract and complex thoughts are difficult. If it’s not in front of them so they can see it, touch it, smell it, taste it, hear it, then they are not understanding it.
TOUGHEST STAGE for COVID-19 explanation:
Even children at the end of this stage are going to struggle with understanding that they will not have school for close to a month. They will wonder why their world is disrupted as their normal schedule is totally off. They will probably let you know they feel out of control and upset by acting out, throwing tantrums, crying for no reason, whining, being more clingy than normal, etc. Enjoy! It’s going to be HARD on you but remember it will be EVEN HARDER ON THEM! Hang in there and remember that your response will have a direct relation to how they react. Stay calm, listen, and most importantly, convey a message of safety to this group.
You can address their concerns and validate them by telling them, “Yes, there IS a new virus.” (if they ask about it), but follow up with, “…that’s why school is closed. It’s to keep you safe just like I keep you safe.”
Children this age should NOT be watching the news or listening to updates on the spread of COVID-19. This is abstract. They will really not know if the people on TV are talking about China, Italy, California, or their bedroom! In this stage it’s best to assume that whatever a child hears they will think the worst is happening and it’s going to happen to them and their family.
Of course, there are exceptions to the range of ages. Some 7-year-olds may have a better grasp of abstract concepts. Just keep in mind that it is essential for this group to be told they are safe and you are keeping them safe.
Concrete Operational Stage (7-11 yrs.)
Concrete situations are attached to concepts that they know. Time, space, and quantity are understood and can be applied. This means that now children can FINALLY understand “In three days we will….” or “In 2 hours…”. Children in this stage will understand or somewhat understand what being home for 3 weeks means. They will also begin to read and understand the severity of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Be sure to monitor what this group is reading and watching. Any questions should be followed up as their imagination can still run wild.
Most importantly, with this group… MONITOR their social media, texts, and facetime with friends. This group may not come to you with questions or concerns. Instead, they will go to their peers. This can be dangerous as they can cause panic and anxiety among each other. This group may also joke about COVID-19. Do not overreact to this. This joking is just another way they are sorting out the details and trying to make sense of the scary world around them.
Formal Operational Stage (11 yrs and older)
Abstract thinking, logical thinking and reasoning belong here. Strategy and planning become possible, but certainly are not the strongest at the beginning of this stage. Think middle schoolers and high schoolers. Again, watch their intake of information and revisit the stage before this one for more information. Sometimes, okay- most of the time, these children go to peers with thoughts, fears and concerns. Be sure to check in with this group and discuss what your family is doing for the next 3 weeks.
Sometimes this group is the hardest to talk to because they don’t really talk back to you. That’s ok. Remember that they’re still listening and depending on you to keep them safe whether they let you know or not. It’s okay to just narrate around them. Don’t expect a back and forth conversation. Just tell them what you’re doing… “I’m going to call grandma’s nursing home and check in with her to see how she’s doing. We already went to the store and got some essentials, but is there anything you’d like me to pick up?”
Children with Exceptionalities
Finally, those children who are more sensitive, anxious, or exceptional with diverse needs. Some children may need more guidance and support. I encourage you to follow The Autism Educator. Although specific to children on the spectrum, autism resources are good for so many children. Check out the social story she has for free by clicking here.
Some other AWESOME resources can be found here:
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